Thursday, December 31, 2015

In Memoriam 2015: BB King


I rode bulls and water-skied with Lightning Hopkins
(his women wore pistols around their waists).
I sang “Purple Rain” in an empty bar
beneath the flash of blue and red lights.
I’ve bent notes on a six string guitar.
I’ve made the end of a bottleneck cry.
I’ve done time in the caverns of my mind.
I’ve faced the throne of death
and looked it in the eye.
Long ago, I launched a kite into the sky.
It was held up by a big wind and tugged at my hand.
It ran out of string and I watched it go.
He heard the wail of a train
He heard the sound of the rain.
He heard his mother cry:
“Blues Boy, why do you roam
so far from your home?”
With dust in his eyes,
he looked up at the sky:
“I can tell you only this.
I’ll find my way to Heaven.
I’ll build a bridge to bliss.”
One day, illness and age
carried him away.
With sleep in his eyes,
he looked up at the sky:
“I can tell you only this.
I’ll find my way to Heaven.
I’ll build a bridge to bliss.”
.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

The Lucky Ones





Someone saw a ghost sitting on the shore 
He was one of the lucky ones, he survived
He was one of the lucky ones when so many have died
He was one of the lucky ones, he survived

They are our mothers and fathers 
They are our sons and daughters
So many have died
The bombs fall; the rockets fly

We hear the children cry
Dressed in rags, they are the lucky ones, they survived
They are the lucky ones when so many have died
They are our sons and daughters

Someone saw a ghost sitting on the shore
She was one of the lucky ones, she survived
She was one of the lucky ones when so many died
She was one of the lucky ones, she survived

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Refugees (The Nativity)

Whole families walked across the desert.
Their load was light; there was nothing left to carry.
They turned their backs on war.

The sky was full of stars.
Now on rafts, they make the long haul
into the darkness.

The waves are black at night with no moon.
Behind them, a pregnant woman
makes her way across the hills to Bethlehem.

He face is luminous.
She must hurry. Her baby is coming.
The world is waiting for the infant to be born


Monday, December 7, 2015

They Are Invisible


They are invisible
but we sense when they are close.
They want to help us.
The speak softly.
They murmur, trying not startle us,
trying not to wake us
late at night.
Their words are often hard to recall.
If we remember anything,
it is all quite fragmentary, elusive,
intangible.
We long to know the secret
they whisper to us in our dreams;
that secret that we seemingly keep
even from ourselves.
That one thing
that will ultimately
set us free.



Thursday, November 26, 2015

The Terrible Angel

They kill innocents
in the markets and cafes of Paris
and Baghdad.
Poison pollutes their minds.
Famished they subsist on the blood
and bones of their own kind.

They rape women and children
and cut off
the heads of men.
Moses stood before a mountain
and crumbled beneath the blazing radiance of God.
He praised the light.

They worship the darkness.
The prophets warned us about them.
Their angels have all fallen.
They wear black masks
and wave black flags.
They are possessed.


Monday, November 16, 2015

Paris (The Carousel)

click to hear blues version
for Louise Cowan

The carousel goes round and round.
It goes up and down.
It goes up and down.

Children ride on white ponies.
They go up and down.
Airplanes could carry them higher
but they stay close to the ground.

Refugees gather on the border.
The lines are long.
The children freeze in the camps.
They say their prayers by kerosene lamps.

The carousel goes round and round.
It goes up and down.
It goes up and down.

Out in the desert, rockets flare.
They go up and they go down.
The go round and round.
They go up and down.

Along the canal, blue lights flash.
The carousel goes round and round
where children once rode white ponies
and stayed close to the ground.

The carousel goes round and round
where children once rode white ponies
and stayed close to the ground.




Saturday, November 7, 2015

At Midnight, the World Turned To Stone


 *The Old Guitarist (Pablo Picasso) public domain 




"The strings are cold on the blue guitar" Wallace Stevens


1

A boy blew out a tune on a toy whistle.
The moon heard it echo. The wind heard it cry.

The clouds changed its sound.
In another country, it fell from the sky.

Unnoticed, it fell to the ground.
There are words only heard in the dark.

There are stories only told to strangers.
We dance to radio signals warbling

in the air. We change our faces daily.
We turn the world over. We sleep when we can.

2

They wear masks of tin; they glitter in the sun.
Their rockets blaze; they build warheads by the ton.

They talk of peace but it never comes.
A cloud descends, the lies resume.

Their minds are empty; their hearts are blank.
We walk and stumble along a darkened wall.

We hear a whistle. We hear a call.
But we can't be sure. There are so many before us,

so many bodies pushing and shoving,
hordes of them. We become confused. We fall.


3

The boy adored the blue guitar.
He made a kind of shrine.

He bathed in the light of that star.
The world glistened and shined.

He was born again when he heard the blue guitar.
They are flying drones way up high

(UFOs whiz around in the dark).
A robot pushes a button and lives vanish.

Out here in the white sands of the desert,
after the blast, the dead disembark.


4

At midnight, the world turned to stone;
and with it, the human head was reduced to bone.

The mountains turned purple, the sky turned gray.
Rivers and oceans froze, the land filled with snow.

The world went to sleep; the world turned to stone.
Architects silently put their tools away.

The shape of things had become an empty hole.
The boy feared his dreams might stop, his vision fade.

The boy feared he would turn to stone.
The boy feared he would be reduced to bone.


5

In his mind, the boy made a shadow box
of all the things he had known and seen.

He made a shadow box of violet, blue and green.
He remembered oceans, clouds and ponds.

He remembered all the things he had known and seen.
An X marked the houses of the dead.

Bloated bodies floated down Canal Street.
The Superdome was in total darkness.

The lights were out; there was no turning back.
The boy painted his fingernails black.


6

Folks waved white flags from rooftops.
The president did a flyover.

He kept his distance, his view was blurred.
Only Kafka could invent something so absurd.

A man went up into the clouds.
The man traversed an ocean for love.

He could have been an astronaut, he was so far gone.
He was lost in the air.

He whirled and tumbled and when he came down,
his wife was not there.


7

The man examined the clues.
The man had a bad case of the blues.

The man made a trip to the Pale Horse Tattoo
parlor. He wanted to commemorate 

his years of clandestine service 
in the company of shadows,

when Peter Lorre was his avatar and guide,
when the world was dark and blue.

The man heard the thunder roar.
The man was weary of war.


8

Children are gathering in the dark.
An idea forms and we begin to bloom,

almost invisibly but not quite.
Think of the resurrection as a kind

of second chance, as a kind of blossoming.
Some died by fire, some died in a blast.

Some vanished like a vapor, some died in a crash.
We let go of our secrets

but our voices seem strange.
We must move beyond this phantom feeling.


9

History has abandoned us.
The old world fades but the ruins remain.

We breathe in its dust and it changes us.
We have no need of sleep.

We bloom like flowers in the night.
We know what it is like to shiver in the cold.

We know what it is like to stumble and fall.
But our eyes were opened. We heard the call.

We followed the light of a distant star.
We heard the sound of the blue guitar.


10

A boy blew out a tune on a toy whistle.
The moon heard it echo. Constellations heard it cry.

On another planet, it fell from the sky.
The clouds changed its sound.

Unnoticed, it fell to the ground.
There are words only heard in the dark.

There are stories only told to strangers.
We dance to radio signals warbling in the air.

We fly by the light of a nameless star.
We dance to the sound of the blue guitar.



Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Gather Up the Horses




 C EM C EM AM EM AM EM C EM C EM

Gather up the horses and let’s ride.
Carry me across the river to the other side.
Carry me across the river to my bride.

Gather up the horses and let's ride.
Carry me across the river to the other side.
Carry me across the river to my bride.

Gather up the horses and let’s ride.
I remember the day when the world turned gray.
I remember the day when the world turned gray.

Teach me how to fly before I die.
Carry me across the river to the other side.
Gather up the horses and let's ride.
Teach me how to fly before I die.




Buy the Book


ISBN #:   978-1-312-32519-7
Copyright © 2014 Will James



Contents

The Emperor’s New Clothes
Peachland in Winter
Mister Minnesota
Regarding Roger
Murmurs of the Heart

For Rosalie

Andy Warhol made movies of folks doing nothing. George Costanza, in the comedy “Seinfeld”, tried to persuade NBC to make a TV show about nothing. As much as I like “Seinfeld” and Andy Warhol, this journal won’t be about nothing. I won’t try to make something out of nothing. I will try to focus on the turning points, the moments of heartbreak and high drama (at least as they seemed to me). Not that I won’t engage in some navel gazing but I will attempt to cut away the rind, and get to the juice. Many things will be left out. In no way will this journal be an all inclusive representation of the events in my life. It will be more of a series of vignettes, incidents, stories and poems. Memory is a funny thing. It is not an event in itself but the fragmentary replication of an event, made of fleeting impressions, feelings and images. It cannot be weighed or measured. It is dependent on us, on our brains, on human consciousness. In the end, memory is a kind of fiction, an illusion, a magician’s trick, where the past is revived and pulled out of a hat.
On French TV, I once saw an interview with an American actor who used the expression “12 step program” instead of AA to protect his anonymity. In subtitles this was translated as Alcoholics Anonymous. The American actor did not break his anonymity, the translator did. While I will refrain from using last names (including my own), those referenced may recognize themselves. They may be wrong, or not. So be it. Of course, as the details of my life emerge in these pages the possibility of who I really am will become narrower. Then again, I may be making all of this story up or at least parts of it. Half remembered conversations certainly will become fictionalized. One cannot experience an event like God and see and remember all things. What happened decades ago flashes back to us in an instant, but it is not reality. Reality is long gone. Maybe the past is out there somewhere in an alternative universe, but access to it is uncertain. It seems to be locked away in a house with very few windows (where we can peer in and glimpse its inner secrets). It is in the realm of ghosts, the realm of dreams; it is in a far off country that one only hears rumors about (and no one really knows if any of those stories are true); it is in another world.
Folks whose names I have forgotten will be given new names; in more than a few cases, I will intentionally change even the first names of those who were once close to me.
We miss much of what goes on around us. In writing this, things may become clearer to me. I may discover things that have been buried, repressed, forgotten. So we will take this journey together. We will see what we can see.
                   

Murmurs of the Heart

The vampires were closing in. No, this isn't the retelling of a B movie but a portrait of my state of mind. Every night I’d fall into an abyss and in the morning I’d wake up with the shakes and a tubercular cough (the result of chain smoking cigarettes and pot).
“Did you see her?” I called out to Rosalie from across the room.
“Who?”
“The woman, the ghost standing right next to me.”
“Not this time.”
I downed a large tumbler of white wine and lit a joint, took a puff and handed it to Rosalie.
“We have to get out of here.”
“Where will we go, Billy?”
“To Terrell.”
“How?”
“We’ll go to work for Bob. We’ll get an advance.”
Rosalie and I met at the same fly by night company—one that I helped form. In 1982, the TV show Dallas was popular and I’d hooked up with a group of ex commodities brokers (all alcoholics and addicts themselves) peddling (telemarketing) oil and gas projects to investors across the country. Originally Rosalie hooked up with the president of the company. Since he had an ex wife and a teenage son who often stayed with him, Rosalie moved in with me. We slept together that first night. I was twenty five, she was thirty nine. She was one of the most beautiful women I have ever known. She had short blonde hair, was five foot tall and weighed less than a hundred pounds and drank a fifth of scotch daily.
On New Year’s Eve we’d gone out with Jack (one of our associates) in his black Lincoln Continental. Jack had killed one man and severed the legs of another while driving drunk in that same car six months before. When Jack became too drunk, Rosalie and I took turns driving. But we were equally drunk, equally insane. I could not even sit on a bar stool without falling over much less drive a car.
Yes the vampires were closing in. But the darkness came from a sickness within and leaving town would not change that.

                               *  *   *   *
Rosalie and I did make our escape to Terrell, Texas (a small town just outside of Dallas). We lived in a farmhouse in a rustic setting. We drank constantly. For a time, Rosalie’s mother and nephew moved in with us. This was a disaster—but one that led ultimately to my sobriety. My family suggested to Rosalie that I be locked up in Terrell State Hospital. This frightened me. One morning, after Rosalie had a few drinks she called the number of a married couple who were in recovery. We met with them and began attending recovery meetings. Rosalie relapsed after thirty days of sobriety and left me.
Soon after this, I heard one of my oldest friends in Dallas had been killed in a drunken motorcycle accident. I met Pat when I was eighteen and a freshman in college. Pat was five years older than me and was pursuing an MFA in art. He was a musician and a fabulous artist. We were great drinking buddies. I saw Pat buried when I was forty five days sober. I believe he has been with me on my journey of recovery, one that we have taken together in spirit.
As I write these words, I realize how blessed I am; how blessed I am to have gone over thirty years without drinking any booze, or smoking any pot, snorting any coke or shooting any dope, or taking any kind of mind altering drugs. I'm down to aspirin and caffeine. And that is a miracle. I was once a three pack a day smoker—that too ended over twenty five years ago. I am so lucky and so blessed.

                              *   *    *   *


Murmurs of the Heart (for Rosalie)

Together we drank fire and walked
on waves of guilt.
We spoke the language of the drowned.
At night, I could hear the murmur
of her heart,
and feel her breath on my neck.
She was so small and so pretty.
Asleep, she dreamt of a prince 
and a white wedding gown.

While still a child, she offered her virginity to Christ
but her father took it in a drunken stupor
and left a hole in her psyche
she would never fill.
She entered the convent but never took her vows.
She drank fire and walked
on waves of guilt.
She spoke the language of the drowned.
She made the call that saved my life.





Thursday, August 27, 2015

Variations on the Man with the Blue Guitar







"The strings are cold on the blue guitar" Wallace Stevens


1

A boy blew out a tune on a toy whistle.
The moon heard it echo. The wind heard it cry.

The clouds changed its sound.
In another country, it fell from the sky.

Unnoticed, it fell to the ground.
There are words only heard in the dark.

There are stories only told to strangers.
We dance to radio signals warbling in the air. 

We change our faces daily.
We turn the world over. We sleep when we can.



2

They wear masks of tin; they glitter in the sun.
Their rockets blaze; they build warheads by the ton.

They talk of peace but it never comes.
A cloud descends, the lies resume.

Their minds are empty; their hearts are blank.
We walk and stumble along a darkened wall.

We hear a whistle. We hear a call.
But we can't be sure. There are so many before us,

so many bodies pushing and shoving,
hordes of them. We become confused. We fall.



3

The boy adored the blue guitar.
He made a kind of shrine.

He bathed in the light of that star.
The world glistened and shined.

He was born again when he heard the blue guitar.
They are flying drones way up high

(UFOs whiz around in the dark).
A robot pushes a button and lives vanish.

Out here in the white sands of the desert,
after the blast, the dead disembark.



4

At midnight, the world turned to stone;
and with it, the human head was reduced to bone.

The mountains turned purple, the sky turned gray.
Rivers and oceans froze, the land filled with snow.

The world went to sleep; the world turned to stone.
Architects silently put their tools away.

The shape of things had become an empty hole.
The boy feared his dreams might stop, his vision fade.

The boy feared he would turn to stone.
The boy feared he would be reduced to bone.



5

In his mind, the boy made a shadow box
of all the things he had known and seen.

He made a shadow box of violet, blue and green.
He remembered oceans, clouds and ponds.

He remembered all the things he had known and seen.
An X marked the houses of the dead.

Bloated bodies floated down Canal Street.
The Superdome was in total darkness.

The lights were out; there was no turning back.
The boy painted his fingernails black.


6

Folks waved white flags from rooftops.
The president did a flyover.

He kept his distance, his view was blurred.
Only Kafka could invent something so absurd.

A man went up into the clouds.
The man traversed an ocean for love.

He could have been an astronaut, he was so far gone.
He was lost in the air.

He whirled and tumbled and when he came down,
his wife was not there.



7

The man examined the clues.
The man had a bad case of the blues.

The man made a trip to the Pale Horse Tattoo
parlor. He wanted to commemorate 

his years of clandestine service 
in the company of shadows,

when Peter Lorre was his avatar and guide,
when the world was dark and blue.

The man heard the thunder roar.
The man was weary of war.




8

Children are gathering in the dark.
An idea forms and we begin to bloom,

almost invisibly but not quite.
Think of the resurrection as a kind

of second chance, as a kind of blossoming.
Some died by fire, some died in a blast.

Some vanished like a vapor, some died in a crash.
We let go of our secrets

but our voices seem strange.
We must move beyond this phantom feeling.



9

History has abandoned us.
The old world fades but the ruins remain.

We breathe in its dust and it changes us.
We have no need of sleep.

We bloom like flowers in the night.
We know what it is like to shiver in the cold.

We know what it is like to stumble and fall.
But our eyes were opened. We heard the call.

We followed the light of a distant star.
We heard the sound of the blue guitar.



10

A boy blew out a tune on a toy whistle.
The moon heard it echo. Constellations heard it cry.

On another planet, it fell from the sky.
The clouds changed its sound.

Unnoticed, it fell to the ground.
There are words only heard in the dark.

There are stories only told to strangers.
We dance to radio signals warbling in the air.

We fly by the light of a nameless star.
We dance to the sound of the blue guitar.